Old Beat Up Guitar

December. Foggy morning. Nothing to think.

One of my friends called me asking a guitar. “Would you borrow me your guitar for this weekend?”

Why would he want it wasn’t my concern. But my aged guitar was in my abandoned old house. Needed I really go get it? That lazy morning wasn’t inviting me to go out. And the scariest thing was to go to that old house. Not sure if I was ready to see that oldish pictures and that ancient smell.

“Are you sure, dude? Too lazy to go get it” I texted him.

Guilty conscience. I should help a friend and it was quite simple, the house is relatively close to where I currently live.

“Ok, I’ll lend it to you. But only if you go get it with me.”

I haven’t been in that place since I was fourteen (I am 19 now). The street was already giving me goosebumps, It was like going back to another incarnation. How much of me was lost in that street? How far from me am I? That place remembered me when I was really me. No pressure, no pretending. Life was so much purer.

Pictures of my childhood with friends and family hanged out on the walls. Nostalgia. It was only five or six years back in my past. But it was not time that bothered me: it was the amazing pieces of me I have forgotten. Memories are not just memories, they mean much more. How much of your past does your conscious mind remember? Not a lot, I suppose. Our minds can only remind a fraction of what happened, but how can it choose the moments if not filmed or photographed? What we recall means a lot about us: it is fundamental to understand ourselves. Our memories are always a key to understand actual traumas and behaves.

The pictures there enabled me to relive some things. Wish I could be more like a child again.

“Hey. You’re weird. Why do you look so upset?” My friend asked.

“Coming here makes me nostalgic. I feel like going back to the past.”

“Why? Don’t you like the present?”

“I do. But I sense there is something lacking nowadays, something I’ve lost here.”

“Here? In this house?

“Here.” I said pointing to my heart (although I meant my soul).

“Come on, that’s normal, we all miss our adolescence.”

“I miss something in me. I was freer, happier, I don’t know.”

“Of course, you had less work, less responsibility.”

“Do you feel the same?” I asked him.

“Yes. But that doesn’t make me sad. Not always.”

“Don’t you feel there is a part of you missing somewhere?”

“No. Actually, I feel more complete now than ever.”

“I feel more mature and improved. But I feel the absence of true living.”

“Wow, that’s deep. Hmmm, can we get the guitar? We may hang out after and get some beer.”

I nodded.

It was hard to talk to people about so intimate things like this. Even though he was a great friend of mine since the early days he could not understand my internal doubts. I truly felt good but going in that house, that day was something I was not ready for. Maybe I needed to face this.

In fact, it was pretty important.

I spent the next week thinking about that. “Who am now and who were I?”

Many things I have been through in that five or six years made me stronger. Heartbreaks, pain and other experiences. But it also made me tougher in a bad sense. And I shouldn’t. A strong heart should also be able to love.

December. Sunny morning. Many things to think.

I decided to meditate.

Here’s something I’ve learned: when you have many concerns in mind just think about nothing. Many thoughts never lead to satisfactory answers. PICT5943_426x640_.jpg

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O que você precisa saber para se sentir completo

Ajai Alai – Invincible, Indestructible.
Abhai Abai – Fearless, Unchanging.
Abhoo Ajoo – Unformed, Unborn.
Anaas Akaas – Imperishable, Etheric
Aganj Abhanj – Unbreakable, Impenetrable.
Alakkh Abhakkh – Unseen, Unaffected.
Akaal Dy-aal – Undying, Merciful
Alaykh Abhaykh – Indescribable, Uncostumed.
Anaam Akaam – Nameless, Desireless.
Agaah Adhaah – Unfathomable, Incorruptible.
Anaathay Pramaathay – Unmastered, Destroyer.
Ajonee Amonee – Beyond birth, Beyond silence.
Na Raagay Na Rangay – Beyond love, Beyond color.
Na Roopay Na Raykhay – Beyond form, Beyond shape.
Akarmang Abharmang – Beyond karma, Beyond doubt.
Aganjay Alaykhay – Unconquerable, Indescribable.

 

Um dos meus mantras favoritos, traz força e vitalidade. Traz também simplicidade e aceitação. Traz gratidão e divindade.

Tu és força, invencível, indestrutível, uma centelha divina que nunca irá se apagar.

Esse mantra fala de nós como espíritos em um corpo humano. Fala de Deus. Fala de nossa conexão com o Todo. Sem medo, nunca muda. Entregue-se.

Sem nascimento, sem morte. Imperecível, etéreo. Assim é o Espírito Divino que habita. Sutil, sempre lá. Silencioso.

Além da forma, além da matéria, indescritível é a experiência de conexão com o Cósmico. Como falar de fé apenas lendo escrituras bíblicas? De fé não se fala, apenas se sente. Como uma revelação. Um momento no paraíso. Esse é o espirito divino que nos habita. Um paraíso, quieto e sempre disponível aos que se conectam.

Calma, independente do que se passa. Nenhum fato terreno pode abalar o Ser. Podemos estar desconectados, mas nunca abandonados por Ele. Habita em nós. Somos todos feito do mesmo pó, todos com a mesma essência divina.

A ligação com o Ser pode ser estar consciente do momento. Pode ser através da natureza, da meditação. Não necessita de nenhum fato externo nem de alguém. Sente-se. Relaxe e sinta seu corpo pesando sobre o chão. Sinta cada espessura que toca, cada cheiro, cada nota do mantra. Deixa que penetre seu Ser. E leve-se pela intuição.

Tempo só existe na Terra. Bom e mau é uma perspectiva. O mundo das formas vai num piscar de olhos. E o que resta é você e você mesmo. O Ser. A parte mais bela de nós, tão distante ás vezes. Observe seu pensar e perceba que o Ser não pensa. Nosso ego pensa demais. O Ser só é pleno. Você é o Ser. Você é pleno. Não precisa de nada. Nada. Nasceu completo, pronto para partilhar da gratidão com os outros. Quem são os outros. Somos todos Um, separados por corpos e mentalidades. Veja-se no outro e terá compaixão e gratidão por sermos tão diversificados, como uma bela sinfonia, entoando a mesma canção.

O Ser é pleno. Você é o Ser. Você é pleno. Sempre. Todos os dias. Todas as horas, minutos e segundos. Lembre-se disso. Observe sua mente.

How does it feel to be alive?

 

Who am I? Am I my thoughts? Am I my history, my past? How can I define myself in words? It is just impossible.

How does it feel to be alive? Do we even know we are alive? Our minds are constantly screaming and claiming for attention. We always need to rationalize, overthink, this is how our ego works. This never ending cycle leads us to frustration, sadness, we feel tedious. Life seems a mechanical sequence of actions, happiness and joy are so far away from us, they are set as goals, in the future, in a time that may not even exist.

We are not truly connected to ourselves. We feel so distant from our life, we feel so distant from what life really is. Then we create fantasies, we mold our thoughts into something that gives us a sense of direction. But we are completely lost. We are completely distant from what life really is.

We go to churches even though we have not even a clue of what faith really is. We pray to an anthropological God. Our minds are always dividing things in good/bad, pleasure/suffering.

Being alive is just being alive.

Black Sheep Boy

“If you love me, let me live in peace.
Please understand,
That the black sheep can wear the golden fleece,
And hold a winning hand.”

 

Everybody used to bully him, the crowd bulldozed his way through. He was about to give up living. His past mistakes condemned him to suffer. He was acrimonious but no one would offer him a helping hand. Humans, why so awful? “Me, I really would have liked
A little touch of tenderness, Maybe a word, a smile, An hour of happiness” (Next – Scott 2 – Scott Walker)

Somedays I cry, I cry for those who live in fear.” (Somedays – Paul McCartney) But what can I do for those who suffer? How can we show a slight tenderness? Why is it so difficult to forgive others? It feels so marvelous to our ego to be superior than someone. We cannot accept to be only egos anymore. Brutal, unsatisfied, unbalanced. Our main goal in this existence is to overcome our dull ego, we must become an improved human being, not a foolish tool without self awareness.

We don’t need anybody else to tell us what is real. Inside each one of us is love and we know how it feels.

Sometimes I assume humans lack humanity and it will always be like this. Sometimes I believe in our transformation. I have no idea how long it takes. But “a journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.” No matter how far, we’ll always be improving. The black sheep boy is a soul seeking for transformation too. An adventurer, a traveler, a human. And all life forms deserves respect and comprehension.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Time, time, time…

Future will be approaching soon. Oh, future? It is already here. No more waiting will be needed.

We live looking for the future, expecting certain things to happen. “There will be a show, I’ll be happy this Friday.” Friday is gone. “I’ll be happy when I pass my exams” The exams are gone. You were happy for a day. “Maybe I’ll be happy when I have all I’ve ever wished.” You’ll never have. We are never fully materially satisfied.

Some people live in the past: “I miss the days I was happy – I was younger and more cheerful” “Only if I could go back in time” Forget that, you can’t.

Why is it so hard to live in the present? To live the now? Because our mind is a trap. You’ll be trying to be contented your whole life  but you’ll never reach there. I was thinking in ways to escape the mind. The fact is that thinking is exactly the ambush. The only way out is stopping thinking. Just feel. Your freedom is to come. Just stop your thoughts and feel the now. There is an ebullient world outside our sick brain.

Time, time time, see what’s become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities
I was so hard to please
Don’t look around
The leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter” (A Hazy Shadow of Winter – Simon & Garfunkel – Click here to listen)

Good Times Are So Hard To Find

The threat of good times becoming extinct is very real. We are never feeling or showing contentment. Is this a problem of this era or have we always been like this?

Excessive consumption. We constantly demand more and more. Not only material elements, but we also wish to feel each time better, exceptional. Aiming at a point we cannot reach. Trying to be a super hero. We need reducing our dissatisfaction by cutting down on attempting to be invariably superior.

Many a day have I remembered that I am only human. And it makes me feel finer. When I accept my human condition I can easily accept my failures and faults. 

“Have you got the time to share
Have you taken proper care
Of your body, anybody?
No one seems to see the signs
They reject them every time
Cause the good times are so hard to find.” (Good times are so hard to find – Blue Cheer)

Have you got the time to share your acceptable moments with someone you enjoy? Have you taken proper care of your body? We reject us every time and that is why good times are so hard to find. We put our ambition so high that it is almost impossible to achieve it.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” This is a basic rule to let good times happen. And always remember: it depends on you – to have good times – ever.

 

Nothing’s consistent here

Life is a flow. I turned out to be cheerful about that.

“Time is an illusion.” Said Albert Einstein. Why do we still get so upset about the passing time? Getting old is that serious matter? What really matters on this material world?

Nothing will stay as it is. Comprehend. How can I be sure in a world that is constantly changing? We will never be.

We’re wiser when we just accept. We were to have been happier if we had understood it from the beginning. The future seem from the past would scary me to death. Living is all about struggling but never staying down.

The depletion of our conscience happens when we are so absorbed to this material world that we cannot live anymore. We lose our feelings in order to establish a sick mental pattern inside our mind. How far can we go feeding these insane thoughts? We would never break the material barrier.

The threat of certain thoughts killing us is very real. We define who we are and what we feel by what we assume. Out thoughts shape our reality. Get yourself free from these ailing and confined thinking. Just let life be. Today is not harder than last year. You are stronger than yesterday, more probe to succeed today.

Life is a flow and nothing is consistent here. Life is a flow and relativity is our rule. Living is all about now and nothing to do with regrets and atrocious feelings. Thinking too much may take you down. Getting rid of our debilitated thoughts is our daunting challenge. Conquering that is our glory.

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